Cheap Therapy 2

It wasn't 2 weeks ago that I thought my life was pretty normal.  Family, work, bills.  Just the typical life rolling along.  Amazing what a difference a day can make.

I have my share of life stresses.  Financial overload seem to be our norm.  A kid who we are trying to see thru a rough stretch in her life. Another kid on the verge of adulthood.  Middle of life pondering like will we be working until were 90 due to lack of planning kinda stuff.  Nothing earth shattering and nothing that 5 million people across the world haven't lived thru.

I have always been the type to not want to bother folks with my issues when I have them.  I might bring em up if they are relevant to a conversation.  Or if I happened to learn a lesson I think should be shared.  Beyond that, I tend to self contain.  It is just never fun being Debby-downer to your friends and family.   Not to mention it rarely solves anything and tends to create issue if someone wants to offer up advise that your not in space to  listen to objectively. I also don't want my emotions at the moment to give anyone else an impression of someone else who might be involved.  Example being my daughter and some of her life choices.  Who am I to run to my mom or a friend whining about something that has me irked when my dislike for the situation could influence how my mom or friend sees my daughter or changes their impression of her.  That would be unfair and not my intention.  Therefore I try to avoid it all together or often will give the candy coated version when it is necessary.

There are only two people who I am candid with when it comes to my feelings and the situations in my life.  My husband and my sister.  They have both seen me at my worst.  From bawling to screaming.  Pissed to devastated.  I have been most out right with them because I trust them the most.  I trust them to listen and give me feed back.  I trust them to not draw conclusions based on my emotional input.  I always thought that the feelings were mutual.  That I gave what I got.  Unbiased feedback, support, love and loyalty.  I shared my inner most feelings on sensitive subjects...as did they.  We didn't pass judgment and we certainly didn't ever tell our secrets.  Recently that all changed.

My sister does not feel the same way I do.  She relayed this to me via public blog.  In a nut shell, she expressed that I have been a negative force in her life for as long as she can remember.  And that I have somehow blamed her for all the failures and inadequacies in my life.  My physical being, my relationship with my parents, my husband and marriage, my lack of a beautiful home, my children and my friends.  The list goes on.
Let me point out that it is my sister who believes my marriage, kids, home, friends and life in general are less spectacular then hers and therefore I blame her for that.

Since I know I have never verbally blamed anyone for any of these things, I am a bit shocked to learn of this.

I tend to disagree that my life is as horrible....or better yet, not as perfect as hers is.   Just because I don't spend every day blogging and Face Booking about how terrific my husband is, doesn't mean he isn't terrific.  Likewise for the rest of the list, but that is irrelevant.  What i do not get is why....NOW...this attack?  And it was an attack, in public.  And not even enough respect to call me??  I mean, come on?   You have to hide behind a keyboard?  Because, you see, even after the initial blog and several nasty facebook status updates AND continued digs via blog....I have yet to hear from her in person!
And yes, here I sit typing.  Venting to no one.  Doesn't make me any better. I am not here to attack her, i am here to get this shit out of my head so i can move on.