Fear

I asked her if she was hungry and cold. I asked her if she had taken her medication and made a list of things to ask the doctor. I asked her if she wanted me to brush her hair and paint her nails. But I never ever, not even once… asked her if she was scared. I should have been able to give her that. The chance to express the emotions she was so obviously keeping inside. All the fear and loneliness she kept hidden, for the sake of not wanting to be a burden. I talked to her about everything, even all the ugly that comes with cancer. But I was selfish and too scared to ask the questions that would confirm what we both knew from early on, she was going to leave us. I saw it in her eyes and I know she saw it in mine. With the one who mattered the most, when it ultimately mattered the most…I dropped the ball because I was scared that I couldn't handle the truth.

I was scared because I knew it was going to hurt like hell, but I wasn't scared nearly enough. No amount of fear would have prepared me for this truth.